I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Randomize
