he shaved USA in his pubs
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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