im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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