my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have post one night stand depression
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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