i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
