I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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