I understand why you refuse to be sober now
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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