im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
