Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize