when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
