so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
