1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Randomize
