4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
