absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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