There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
