I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize