You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
