Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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