i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
