but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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