Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
