I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
