There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
