i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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