well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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