Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
