I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
