I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize