Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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