you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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