Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
