i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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