You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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