; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
