things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
