i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well I just put wine in my tea
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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