smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
