Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Help me help you realize you are a moron
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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