It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The beer is more important than you right now.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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