Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
