If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
And then he peed in my hair
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