Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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