a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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