You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
