oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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