it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
