Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
