Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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