he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
