Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
