end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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