Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
