i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
