i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
