Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
