The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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