I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
