im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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