i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
