My room smells like vodka and shame
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
