i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
