If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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