Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
