obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
