Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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