I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
operation have a gay friend backfired
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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