you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
