My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
