why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
