OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Randomize