ya dads aren't the best wingmen
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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