He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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