I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
