I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
