I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
