dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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