As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
