Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
