forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Randomize
