nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
