I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
