she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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