Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
