This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just pee around me
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
