I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Text me some of your sweat
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize