does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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