i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize