i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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