just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
