I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
