if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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