i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
