I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
