:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
True strength comes from lack of pants
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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