At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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