drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
