i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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