You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
