He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I AM VODKA MAN
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
