I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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