We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
