I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
