No stitches, just platelets and will power
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
