who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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