who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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