I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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