If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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